My personal Bipolar …

is diagnosed as severe & enduring & it’s for life
it fluctuates depending on stressors & emotional triggers
causes regular mood swings between low mood & high phase
needs managing on a daily / weekly / monthly / annual basis
can be very overwhelming & stressful
is monitored by my Consultant Psychiatrist & my GP
daily medication = Quetiapine mood stabiliser / anti psychotic
daily medication = Zopiclone sleeping tablets
requires support & understanding from family and close friends
is more complicated & complex because I live alone
is often very tiring & debilitating
restricts what I can do & what time I do things
get easily stressed & overstimulated = physical adrenaline response
means I am on monthly disability £ benefits because I can’t £ work
affects my memory = short / medium / long term
causes me confusion / difficulty concentrating / lack of control
makes me very sensitive to noise / colour / light
at times I feel frightened / fragile / alone / lonely & isolated
at times I feel stuck between a rock & a hard place
at times I feel very talented / over confident / inspired / grandiose
I tend to catastrophise & easily lose perspective
I know but need to be reminded that I am loved & supported
I feel like I live in a wobbly world
I feel safe in my house & my garden
sometimes I get too productive
sometimes I feel too good & do too much
sometimes I can’t face the world outside my front door
I often feel wired & tired & experience sensory overload
I often experience high levels of stress & anxiety
causes an emotional regular rollercoaster ride
I like to see evidence of what I have achieved
depression is a lonely place & anxiety is a stressful state
I have regular turning points & tipping points
my moods swing between light & dark / hope & fear
I see connections in everything all the time
where my mind goes my energy flows
I can have euphoric highs followed by crushing lows
my support group are proud of me & I feel proud of myself
I try to live one day at a time
I hold on & have to believe that things will get better
that it is worth all the effort
seeing my family results in a x7 day emotional rollercoaster but is worth it
I try to turn obstacles into opportunities
I’m never really alone because I’ve got my iphone
sometimes I have eureka lightbulb moments !
sometimes I get lost & need help to find my way back
sometimes I feel bruised & battered
sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back
I still have teacher flashbacks & bad dreams when I am stressed
I am so tired of being wired & tired
I am still searching for some inner peace
I will keep working on myself & fight for my future

My Bipolar Balance Daily Checklist 2018:

Productivity
Self Care
Leisure
Friends & family
Golf
Photography

2019 Bipolar Balance checklist

I find the following difficult :

big busy supermarkets & big car parks
managing my £ money
keeping my house tidy & clean
Christmas & New Year
sitting & socialising in the golf clubhouse
speaking to friends or family on the phone
decluttering key rooms & garden areas
letting go of photos / books /folders / cds / dvds /picture frames
relaxing
looking after my physical health
playing golf
car or computer problems
motorway driving
taking my pets to the vet

What works well for me :

morning activity = car / Golf club / meet friends / food shopping / photoshoot
come home = work on my website until 12.00 p.m / switch off mac computer
lunch in my den
lunch at Refreshment Rooms pub
p.m. relaxation = garden potter / sky tv movie / read kindle book
texting friends & family
sharing iphone photos
arranging early morning key psych or medical appointments / self care
plans & projects
Port Sunlight walks & garden centre & £ best plant choice
friendly taxi drivers getting me to where I need to go
arranging a diary date & time to meet up with friends or family
putting blocks in place = 3 / 5 / 10
focus on what I can do … not what I can’t do
short game golf
birds in my garden
plants & flowers in my window
family / friends car to Port Sunlight or Refreshment Rooms
my website / photo work
keeping a sense of humour

I get anxious & stressed when :

my family come to visit
something stops working in the house
workmen in my house / garden
unexpected visitor at my front door
family or friends in my house
I have a psych or GP appointment
£ overspend
£ financial letters through the post
medical prescriptions problems
vet appointments

Sometimes I need help with :

managing my £ money
cleaning my house
garden tubs moved / planted up or high ivy cutback
getting to key psych or medical appointments
making big decisions
decluttering my house / cupboards / drawers

My 10 mile comfort zone

My garden
My village
Port Sunlight
Wirral Golf Club
Birkenhead Park
Williamson Art Gallery
Refreshment Rooms
Thornton Hall
The Stein Centre / St Cath’s Hospital
Devaney Medical Centre

PIP

Personal Independence Payment

how my disability / conditions affects my daily living & mobility
replaces monthly £Disability Living Allowance
Bipolar Affective Disorder
stress & anxiety
right knee = ruptured old carbon fibre = ACL Anterior Cruciate Ligaments
right knee = arthritis
Good days … Bad days

x40 page form / my personal key questions

Q5 Treatments

be clear headed organised to monitor & manage my treatments on a daily basis
dosette box for bipolar & sleeping tablets
use alarm reminder to take them at night / so don’t take too many
otherwise very poor sleep
GP / pharmacist good communication & delivery service
Good day = do knee physiotherapy exercises & pain free
Bad day = when anxious stressed = too painful for knee exercise / forget to order medication
use mood diary to track when becoming unwell = psych x6 weeks
quickly become unwell = withdraw from people & am isolated
family live 60 miles away / no daily support
causes pain & discomfort/emotional distress/tiredness/lack confidence & motivation

Q6 Washing & Bathing

knee = difficult to get in & out of shower safely
don’t have separate walk in shower
restricted to sink washes mostly
fear of slipping/twisting getting in or out of bath
long time because very cautious re fall
use to relax with a bath
occasional confidence for shower
grab rails for shower balance
non slip mat / long handled sponge
need a shower seat
live alone no one to assist me
have lost confidence to bathe
hair wash in sink for safety
good day = have a shower / concentrate & remind not to twist my knee
feel tired after
bad day I don’t do sink washes & neglect my self care

Q9 Communicating verbally

find social situations difficult
especially in noisy or busy places e.g garden centre,cafe,pub,restaurant
can’t concentrate on what’s being said, become anxious, confused & stressed
can’t follow the conversation, head spins/buzzes & quickly get a headache
friends & family fill in the gaps in conversation
just want to go home !
very tired after & feel unwell for a few days after
Psych meetings = Dr Singh repeats questions/ reinforces key points
ask friend to speak on phone on my behalf
difficult to explain what I want or need & hard to process information
if no help = I misunderstand of forget what’s been said
good day = focus & follow what’s being said / speak for myself
bad day = high bipolar phase can’t concentrate & very irritable
bad day = low mood don’t take in what’s being said

Q12 Money decisions

bipolar affects ability to control & understand money issues
finances = constant source of stress, worry & anxiety
leads to poor decision making & impulsive spending
need & receive help from close friend & banking advisor
re budgeting/set up or change £ monthly direct debits/ overdraft limit
easily overspend when stressed so reach my overdraft limit with no backup
good day = feel in control & know what my £ balance is/ what can afford
bad day = don’t think logically & overspend
problems = forget debit card pin number / leave card in machine/forget my purse
sometimes need help in my village shops from staff when confused / anxious
friends help = overview of my finances/annual review/encourages use of cash
& make money last/makes official phonecalls/supports me in meetings/putting credit blocks in place/tackled previous credit card debt
family / friends pay for me in noisy busy places
anything to do with £ money / finances is done in the morning

Q13 Going out

bipolar affects ability to go out
get quickly overwhelmed when out of my house & only go to places I know well & feel safe in my comfort zone
avoid going anywhere unfamiliar
friend to accompany me
practice run on sunday before any new meeting venue = plan route & parking
have had panic attacks on buses & trains in past = lost confidence
knee now impossible to use public transport = nearest bus stop is too far to walk to
try to only go out in the morning avoiding rush hour return by 11.00a.m
good day = drive unaccompanied to local places
avoid driving on motorway
rely on friends car or local taxi = minimise stress levels
have been unable to attend key appointments cos going out too stressful

Q14 Moving around

knee restricts how far & where I walk
bipolar = constant state of alert about the fear of twisting/tripping/ or falling
in house bathroom & bedroom are upstairs = move slowly & cautiously bannister
more stress if have to carry anything upstairs or downstairs = hold bannister
use chairs or tables or walls to steady myself for balance
take extra care re steps/kerbs/uneven surfaces
concentrate in garden re step to grass to border level change
often in pain after
take frequent short breaks
good day = can walk between 50-200 metres & get in & out of car pain free
bad days = only short distance / in pain/ walking stick/alone & isolated
knee swells need 2-3 days to recover
my world is much smaller these days
can’t clean my house properly = need a £cleaner once a fortnight / month
bipolar high phase room floors quickly become cluttered = trip hazards
move slowly & cautiously concentrating wherever I am /whatever I am doing

Q15 Additional Information

my situation more complex because I live alone
no one to rely on & support/help me on a daily basis
my family live in Bolton & only see them a few times a year
bipolar fluctuates depending on stressors & emotional triggers
moods swing between high & low phases
am often overwhelmed
need different types of support & understanding from friends/family
I only go out in the morning for appointments or socially
I find it hard to speak on the phone
am very sensitive to noise, busy places or crowds
constant anxiety & limitations due to knee problems
constant anxiety re £ money issues
my mental health needs managing & monitoring on a daily basis
quickly get tired
am easily overstimulated resulting in confusion & problems concentrating
i find it difficult coping with change
i am overly sensitive & overthink things
I often feel fragile, lonely & isolated
important for me to feel safe both in & out of the house
increasingly difficult for me to keep my house clean& hazard clutter free
my conditions restrict what I can do & what time I do things
mood sings & stress levels often lead to poor decision making
Everything takes longer & face daily difficulties
when unable to get out we have done phone consultations with my Psychiatrist & GP
found PIP form caused daily anxiety/poor sleep/felt under pressure re deadline
completing PIP form took a long time & required help from my family & friends

The pain of PIP

completely messed with my head
very unsettling
overwhelmed me
derailed me for weeks
felt under pressure to complete the form deadline
made me ask for help
stressed me out
made me think
uncertain timeline
forced me to face up to how much I was struggling
needed various plans
needed various types of help
predictable meltdown
a rollercoaster ride
find the PIP assessment centre in Birkenhead
hard to make sense of it all
support group = don’t judge me … just help me
over & out = all PIPped out !

Physical effects of PIP stress

Daily headaches / raised blood pressure / very tiring / chest pains / fast heart rate / confused / irritable / poor disturbed sleep & early morning wide awake