My birthday … perhaps this time = my way ?
My Birthday = 30th October
Priority = not to spend it alone !!!
Priority = family weekend best day = either side with whoever is available
Is such a family & friends emotion rollercoaster ride
Feel am like the queen cos i have x2 key birthdays !
Made more complicated due to :
- family live in Bolton & Manchester
- always falls on teacher half term so some friends might be away
- triggers & flashbacks of birthdays I cancelled / was fragile / stressed
- triggers & flashbacks of teacher half term holidays
- have often been so unwell afterwards
- brew up to have to speak to brother Chris on the phone
My thought …
- who do I want to see ?
- who is available ?
- what do I want to do ?
- how can I have my birthday … my way this time ?
Early thoughts
- Contact family Martin & Mark & Claire re which weekend suits them best
- If actual birthday is half term midweek is Kim / Marj around ?
- Is Jackie free for golf ?
- Will I be calm enough to sit in Refreshment Rooms or be too overwhelmed ?
- Book Refreshment Rooms for how many ?
Need x2 plans for :
family reconnect weekend close to my birthday
My actual birthday
What works best
- having a plan A and a backup plans B in order to avoid plan C = cancel !
- knowing well in advance roughly what will happen
- family & friends understanding why I feel anxious/stressed & overwhelmed
- lots of family texts beforehand to firm up plan & settle me
What I find difficult
- days before get flashbacks & feel very unsettled
- waiting for family to arrive @ 10.30 – 11.00
- sitting in my den talking to family before pub lunch @ 12.00
- last minute changes / family stuck in traffic
- noise of many conversations rising in the pub
- speaking to brother Chris on the landline phone
- driving to & back from the golf club for Jackie birthday golf
- the days after = high phase then crash with exhaustion
2018 Plans
Sunday 28th = family reconnect with Martin Mark & Claire
- Mark & Claire meet at mine @ 10.30
- us meet Martin & Ros at Port Sunlight @ 11.00
- all go to Refreshment Rooms @ 12.00
Tuesday 30th = Jackie golf
- meet Jackie @ golf club 9.32 tee time x 5 holes
- speak to brother Chris after @ 11.00 ish
- send thankyou txts for cards & gifts to friends & family
So … how did it all go this year ?
I had a very wobbly week leading up to seeing my family again & meeting brother Martin’s girlfriend Ros for first time. I was comfy & calmish with Mark & Claire in my den and we enjoyed Suki cat coming to say hello to us all in turn. I felt anxious waiting for Martin & Ros at Port Sunlight garden centre car park so we walked around the war memorial close up to look at each bronze plaque of local men & women & children and the names of the fallen heroes of the 1st World War .
The nerves quickly evaporated after hello hugs and we had did my favourite rose walk up to the fountain & back to the car park. We still had time before the pub lunch so I took them to the other side of the village which was new to them. Ros and I slowly started to get to know each other by talking golf & knees & tennis. I told her about my website & explained it’s my story in words & pictures about living with my Bipolar / how it affects my day to day life / what I have been through & who has helped me get to this stage now . The weather was perfect as was the spectacular sycamore tree !
We then went in separate cars to the Refreshments Rooms pub for lunch. We were a bit early so walked down to the waterfront for Liverpool city & estuary views. The pub was nice & quiet at that time and we chatted whilst tucking into our pies & lasagne which we enjoyed & all our plates were cleaned ! As predicted I went very tired all of a sudden so had no energy for dessert & just wanted to go home … and that was fine with everyone. Martin & Ros went over to Liverpool for city Beatles tour & 80’s Echo Arena concert and Mark & Claire shared brother & sister time later in Manchester for a lake walk together.
On my actual birthday I enjoyed x5 holes golf at my club with my good golf friend Jackie & my trusty scotty putter at my side. The weather was kind and the golf course was in great condition … especially the greens plus really enjoyed watching Jackie using her hybrid club off the tee & fairway.
Then I drove home and did my texting thankyou for my cards and presents. I tried to speak to my brother Chris care staff x 3 times but got no answer … then I knew I needed to rest so decided to try the following day instead. I spoke to Chris the next day which went well and said I would try & get Kim to drive me over around Xmas time … and then I cried and just let all the built up emotion out. Why ? because I only speak to him a few times a year and every time after I always still feel so guilty after that I can’t do more … but for now as a family we are where we are.
The only downside was that my naughty knee was not happy at all in the following days after. It was very swollen and painful & needed my home treatment knee plan which is = / ice / pain relief medication / elevate & rest . I realised that on reflection I had done too much walking in terms of Sunday /family & then Tuesday/Jackie golf which were too close to each other.
So … after such a big week full of mental anxiety & physical knee pain my head went spinning about in so many different ways. I was completely knackered after and felt burnt out … but in a good way at last.
All in all it was the best birthday I have had in years … Why ? because at last we all understood how to make it happen in the best way for me and that after I could share how it affected me with my family & close friends through my website.
My birthday … my way … moment by moment