Why do I find Xmas so difficult ?
- it slowly starts in October
- it builds in November
- it becomes full on in December
- x2 week emotional stressful rollercoaster ride
- seeing my family !
- not seeing my family !
- all my Wirral friends & neighbours have family close by
- quite relentless & overwhelming
- everywhere looking different including my house
- constant questions about what I’m doing for Xmas
- just the word Christmas = brother Chris big triggers & flashbacks
- previous shockers /mini breakdowns / burnouts / depressive episodes
- tv adverts
- tv films
- tv soaps
- radio
- newspapers
- magazines
- it’s not a teacher holiday / festive time for me
- I remember my Dad = our better times together
- I still miss my mum / my priority was always to spend xmas day with her
- I still feel very guilty about not being able to see Chris
- I still miss my lovely dog Tess
- speaking to Chris on xmas day
- garden centres become xmas light full on tinsel bauble colour grottos
- previous reminders of very lonely or very stressful or meltdown times
- £ money stress & worry
- golf club / random golfers talking or asking about Xmas
- going into the back bedroom to get decorations out
- supermarkets become more hectic than usual
- car drivers impatient & intolerant
Key questions …
- Who do I want to see ?
- Will it do me good to see them ?
- Where do I want to see them ?
- Who is available when ?
- How can I have a calm Christmas ?
- When do the schools break up ?
- When do the schools go back ?
- How do I avoid being emotionally fragile ?
- How can I strike a balance to avoid being overwhelmed & then cancelling?
- How can I avoid being stuck in the painful past ?
- What needs to change ?
- What conversations need to be had ?
- How do I explain how hard I find it all ?
- How are my friends & family spending their Xmas Day ?
- When are my family seeing brother Chris ?
- When is the best time to phone Chris on Christmas Day ?
- How can I pace myself to avoid burnout ?
- When is GP Liz working to sort out medication ?
- Will Dr Singh be able to see my Wobbly World Xmas page before I see him?
What I really want to do is …
- have an overall plan / series of plans that will work best for me
- decorate my key rooms step by step
- give my christmas spice candles girl gifts
- family @ Refreshment Rooms the weekend before or after
- speak to Chris on the phone without crying after
- Kim @ Thornton Hall calm coffee
- Jackie candle gift before
- Marj calm coffee @ her house
- Phil calm coffee @ mine
- Jackie golf friday after
What will work for me
- having a big overall plan to explain to my support group
- neice Claire & brother Martin decide date family @ Refreshment Rooms
- me booking Refreshment Rooms pub lunch in late November
- deciding who I want to see
- get diary dates sorted in advance
- keeping stress levels under control
- keeping my £ spending under control
- GP Liz make sure got bipolar / plus extra sleep medication if required
- spreading social dates out to avoid overload or getting overwhelmed
- bring decorations down step by step from back bedroom
- decorating the house key rooms … less is more
- key colours = red / green / gold / black / white / silver / turquoise
- welcome to my front door tubs
- best Poinsettia plant for hall
- walk to village xmas lights
- big tin of Quality Street chocs
- neighbours ice melt ready for front drive in case of a white christmas !
- less is more re christmas cards
- give or deliver my candle gifts
- mac music Michael Buble
- my zen calm den
- local village £ food shopping only
- collect £1 Co-op savings / stamps build up to £15
- less decorations / presents / cards / food … just enough
- have a xmas project table for cards & presents prep
Just shop £ in my village for :
- food & drink
- best seasonal plants
- Xmas gifts
Gina / Holly / Wendy £ @
- x2 white hellebores
- white cyclamen
- red glitter star
- x5 Christmas Spice candles
- My lovely mum red pot rose
- red cyclamen
- silver & turquoise front door spruce fir
I need help from :
iM www.inclusion-matters-wirral.org.uk
Christmas Survival Kit … website pdf. download
Contents / pages
- Stress free Xmas / Are you stressed checklist?
- Relaxation exercises
- £ money worries
- Problem solving worksheet
- Solutions
- Take action
- Activity planner week 1
- Activity planner week 2
- Surviving Family Gatherings
- Feeling low this Christmas ?
- Lost someone ?
- Coping with panic
- Wordsearch
- New Year’s resolutions
- Connections in your community
- in need of urgent help ?
- Merry Christmas message
So … how can I avoid :
- becoming too overwhelmed ?
- becoming overstimulated ?
- losing control of £ money ?
- burning myself out ?
- cancelling seeing family or friends ?
My 10 steps to a calm christmas
- have a plan well in advance
- work through inclusion Matters Christmas Survival guide .pdf
- work on & share my website/Mental Health/My Wobbly World/ December Xmas webpage with my support group before
- £100 cash blue purse budget / £ cheques gifts
- family date @ Refreshment Rooms
- less is more re house decorations
- space out meeting family/Kim/Phil/Jackie/Marj
- do activities I enjoy on the days that I will be on my own
- cook for myself / eat nice food / control alcohol
- Christmas Day = iphone txt touch with family & speak to Chris/his staff
My significant x5 christmas spice candles for :
- me
- Claire
- Kim Danni & Jo
- Marj
- Jackie
Poinsettia = best plant in best place … likes warm well lit position / not direct sun / not cold or drafty so I think my best place will be in the hall. Care after is to water when compost is dry / drain off excess water / don’t stand in water & don’t over water ! And did you know ? Poinsettias grow naturally in some parts of Mexico & Guatemala.
Xmas presents = best plants / scented candles / £ cheque gifts
Xmas cards = family / best friends / support group / neighbours
Activities for me to enjoy solo :
- Port Sunlight walks
- tend my garden tubs
- watch a good tv p.m. movie
- tv catchup & on demand choices
- listen to a BBC sounds podcast
- read kindle book = Eleanor Oliphant is Competely Fine
- aim for some mindful time
- go for a car drive
- do some peaceful hall putting
My Winter den view garden tub
My Xmas key dates =
- Tuesday 11th = Phil / coffee @ mine
- Wednesday 12th = Alison / haircut
- Friday 14th = Jackie / golf ?
- Monday 17th = GP Liz / medication appointment
- Thursday 20th = Dr Singh / Xmas / New Year 2019 plans
- Friday 21st = Jackie / golf ?
- Saturday 22nd = rest day
- Sunday 23rd = family @ mine / Refreshment Rooms lunch
- Monday 24th = Christmas Eve / rest day
- Tuesday 25th = Christmas Day / Marj coffee @ hers / speak to Chris / send family & friends texts
- Wednesday 26th = Boxing Day / rest & recover day
- Thursday 27th = Kim
- Friday 28th = Jackie / golf reconnect
- Saturday 29th = website / Xmas review
- Sunday 30th = website / Xmas review
- Monday 31st = 2018 review of my year
Family Xmas day together = Sunday 23rd / plan :
- Martin Mark & Claire
- meet at mine 11.30 ish
- pub lunch at 12.00
- back to mine / presents exchange
So … how did it all go ?
It went very well !!! Why ?
- I had an overall plan & several mini plans
- I worked on & shared my Xmas webpage with my support group
- I talked it through with Dr Singh
- GP Liz reinforced that I was in the driving seat
- I used the iM Christmas Survival Kit
- early decision re family @ mine on weekend before Xmas date
- booking Refreshment Rooms pub lunch late November
- doing my £ shopping in my village
- less is more re decorations / presents / cards
- pacing myself seeing friends & family
- felt included in how my family were spending their Xmas day & Boxing Day in their various ways through iphone texts & Whatsapp pics
- Sky tv HD = Game of Thrones daily episodes
My Christmas miracles :
- I was sober on Christmas Day and Boxing Day
- I spoke to Chris without getting emotional during or after Xmas Day phone call
- Bolton Tranmere Liverpool & Everton all won their Boxing Day footie matches !
- The christmas jigsaw puzzle came together & was complete
- I was calm on the days after leading up to New Year’s Day
My wobbles :
- bad dreams & flashbacks Xmas Eve / Xmas Day / Boxing Day
- feeling overwhelmed at times
- waiting for the family to arrive
- talk of Chris finances / funeral at pub lunch
My calm christmas 2018 … a smile on my face & love in my heart